On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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