You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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