...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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