It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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