Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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