8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
