He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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