I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize