when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
