i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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