I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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