Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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