He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
My vagina is very pro this idea
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
