I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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