i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
3pm strippers are depressing
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
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