Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
