the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
