just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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