He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
