My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
