I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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