She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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