Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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