He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
