Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
