she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
