You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize