like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
