No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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