We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
