Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
