I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
