ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize