i love accidental penises.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
