accomplished twins. life is a go
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
