I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
