how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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