meet me or not, i'm out of control
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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