I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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