Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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