Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
