Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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