She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
