So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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