Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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