Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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