marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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