i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Help. Why am I so naked?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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