I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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