can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
