We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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