and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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