i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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