I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize