my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
