my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Farmville is her only friend.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Randomize
