there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
