carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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