She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
