how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
