the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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