I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
