you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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