24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
