Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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