How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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