Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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