I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
